i grew up in and out of church. I knew God existed but I never followed Him. When my grandpa died I began to evaluate my faith further.
I had decided in my heart to flow Jesus and I became a Christian.
Fast forward one loss and two kids later
Still living and loving Jesus.
I go through another loss but am still pretty ok in my faith. And then a year later another loss.
Now I have issues.
I wondered after all this pain why did I want anything to do with God. He could have spared my pain….. X’s 3.
I decided that I didn’t want to decide anything. I just put my faith on the back burner and forgot about it.
At that point I still believed in my head, but my heart wasn’t in it. I hoped that my heart would get back to what my head believed but I just felt cold toward the Lord.
After re evaluating everything I believed in I realized my heart was ready to get back in the game. I decided it was time to get to know Jesus again in a whole new way.
My whole point is if you believe in God with your head but not your heart, don’t give up.
Read, study and pray. Figure out your beliefs. Just you and God. Dig deep and keep focused and find a rich deep faith. I’m on a new journey trying to get back to that rich deep faith. I’m far from it right now but ready to work my way back.
I’m still slightly pissed that I faced so much loss. I’m mad that my body failed me. I’m not mad that God didn’t intervene. (I’m not really mad. But I’m not sure what word to use to describe that ache)
But I’m taking my faith off the back burner. Slowly but surely.