Monthly Archives: May 2015

Anxiety and weight loss

As this weight loss and health process plays out I am in such thought lately…. like the kids will talk to me and I don’t even hear them, then they pinch me and I snap out of it. I’ve just been trying to figure out why I got so fat and unhealthy.

I have anxiety.

I have never been properly diagnosed but I know I have anxiety when I get physical reactions in certain situations. Parties and crowds terrify me. Calling people makes me want to puke. My hands shake when anyone watches me do anything….. I am terrible at small talk…. and sometimes I feel like i’m going to have a heart attack or pass out.

I have always been good at internalizing it and hiding it.

I have rarely talked about it.

I’m not proud of it.

Anxiety ruled my mind and my soul for so so long.

I couldn’t even ask the waitress at a restaurant for an extra fork because the anxiety of speaking up made me feel ill.

I buried my anxious nature in food. It is easier to be social over food. It is less awkward. Comfort food makes you feel better and takes your fear away. Food helped me cope with my anxiety and food made me even more anxious due to my gaining weight. what a vicious cycle.

As my weight has gone up my self-worth has gone down. I have never really felt good enough. I’ve rarely felt beautiful. I struggled to hold my head high. I worried that I wasn’t good enough for my husband. I felt like someone better than me would come along. So I ate some more.


I have realized that when I put healthy into my body, healthy comes out….in my mind, in my soul, in my confidence, in my energy….. good in and good out. Since I have been eating clean and exercising everyday I am pretty damn confident. I feel good. I look good even though I have a lot of weight to lose…. I am happy with me right now as I am. My goal is not to even lose weight but to build me strength, endurance and stamina.

I am still on this crazy process to heal my heart and mind after two baby losses in 2 years (2012 and 2013, three total) I also grief ate…. so I am still trying to process my grief without eating. I am trying to face it and move through it instead of avoiding it with food.

I have so much to work on but I feel like I have come so far in just 17 days that I have been working on things.

I am damn awesome

I am beautiful

I have worth

I can accomplish anything that I set my mind to
Here is my right now. I can’t wait to see what the next twelve weeks or serious workouts is going to do to my body. 


Now these before and after a are from December and now. So I have come a long way (only been working out and eating clean 17 days)  


  so if I see that progress in seventeen days I can’t wait to see what twelve weeks brings!  


Sloppy joes

Oh my gosh I adore these veggie loaded joes

I got the recipe from taste of home and changed it for my family

Sloppy Joesone cup chopped celery, I chopped small green bell pepper and 1 chopped small sweet onion



Sloppy Joes_3 throw 2 pounds ground turkey in a pan with chopped veggies and cook until meat is done and veggies are tender

Sloppy Joes_4

Sloppy Joes_7 mix 2 cups ketsup, 4tbsp coconut sugar, 2 tbsp. braggs apple cider vinegar and 2 tbsp. powdered mustard

Sloppy Joes_5 keep cooking the meat

Sloppy Joes_6 I drain the liquids

Sloppy Joes_8

Sloppy Joes_9 add the ketsup mixture and stir until really mixed


Now we haven’t eaten yet so I don’t have a pretty after picture yet, my family slops it in buns and grubs it down, I cook spaghetti squash and top it on that.

Zucchini Boats

Ok I made some impromptu zucchini boats.

zucchini boats I cooked Bell pepper, onion and mushrooms until almost done


zucchini boats_2 while it is cooking I halved zucchini and scooped out the middle to make a “boat”

zucchini boats_3  I added sausage, but ground turkey would be good too

zucchini boats_4  cook it until well done

zucchini boats_5  stop and say hi to the little gate climber

zucchini boats_6Now I spooned the meat onto the zucchini and baked at 400 for 20 minutes

zucchini boats_7 zucchini boats_8

Its not really pretty but tastes really good. If you can spare the calories add some cheese and then bake it!

Quinoa Salad

QuinoaSalad     Diced zucchini and squash

QuinoaSalad_1  added sliced mushrooms

QuinoaSalad_2   stop to say hi to my little baby bear

QuinoaSalad_3 shrimp marinated in coconut aminos, ginger, garlic and sesame seeds

QuinoaSalad_4   this is the quinoa I used

QuinoaSalad_5   and the spinach I added

QuinoaSalad_6  I added a can of black beans, rinsed

QuinoaSalad_7 cooked those down and added shrimp


QuinoaSalad_9Three handfuls of spinach

QuinoaSalad_10 cook the spinach down for a few minutes



QuinoaSalad_13  Put in a large bowl and toss the (cooked)quinoa in, lightly mix





Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

so I don’t like recipes, or following rules, or sticking to meal plans… I like to wing it….. which is why I got fat… so I have learned to semi plan, but I still don’t like recipes.

So I roamed the store today looking for dinner and ended up with this

dinn So I got a pack of organic thin chicken breasts and sliced them up, cooked in a tsp coconut oil and a tbsp. coconut aminos



dinn_6I diced zucchini and squash and added that after the chicken cooked to almost done

dinn_7 Added sliced mushrooms YUMM, cooked until they were all tender

dinn_10 and then added baby kale and spinach, SO GOOD

dinn_13 dinn_12 Cooked it down for a few minutes

dinn_8 dinn_9 dinn_14 I got this basmati rice, not the best choice but could have been a worse choice….. and we only had a little bit each. And it was really good

dinn_16 dinn_17 Topped the chicken onto the rice and dug in, so good!! Really full


My neighbor gave me some lemons, HUGE lemons….

Picture comparison


So I did a jug of cucumber and lemon water for me to drink tomorrow…..if you have not tried it, it is AMAZING! So light and refreshing and a nice change from plain water


Leftover Lunch Day!

So today was leftovers for lunch but I made a yummy dish out of it!

I took 1 tsp coconut oil
1tbsp minced garlic


and zoodles, I noodle them with the Paderno spiralizer which is AMAZING!!



I sautéed them for a few minutes until they were the texture I wanted


Its also a clean out your freezer week so I heated up these mushrooms, semi healthy just mushrooms and cream and spices but the cream has carageens in it


I added avocado and the mushrooms and grubbed it up, I am STUFFED and it was SO GOOD ❤



Chia Pudding

Are you looking for a super crazy filling breakfast? I mean, it holds me off until after lunch its so filling….

I get a mason jar, not the big one not the tiny one….I don’t know what size it is lol

Add to that mason jar 1 1/4 cup almond milk (you can use whatever liquid, I used unsweetened vanilla almond milk)
1/4 cup chia seeds
2 TBSP pure maple syrup (but you can leave it out)
1 tsp vanilla
I put the lid on and shake, shake, shake

Then I add 1/2 to 1 cup quick cooking oats, lid on and shake shake again (or stir)

and optionally you can add fruit. I like to add diced strawberries, I have added cinnamon and bananas to one, my sister added slightly cooked apples and cinnamon to her…..and fun combo. and shake shake shake again (you might need the bigger mason jar, I spill often)


Stick it in the fridge for at least 3 hours, I always leave mine overnight.

It looks weird but is a tapioca pudding consistency……and a nice soft flavor.