I think in loss you have so many questions. You wonder why. You ask God why.
If you are a good God and You care about me why let me be grief stricken so hard?
Why let my babies die?
I begged You God, to save my babies and you didn’t…why?
I could go on and on. When all of these questions rolled through my head i stopped praying and reading my Bible. Thats when i set God aside.
Ive been in my Bible again since March and I have slowly begun really praying and trying to be in a constant state of prayer….. and heres the conclusions I have come to.
God IS good.
I do not see the bigger picture.
I pray to align my will to His not for Him to give me what I want because I do not see the big picture and He does.
God CAN handle my anger. I have sure had a lot of it and I am thankful He still loves me.
I need to vocalize my junk so that I can work through it. Maybe I am weird but if I don’t voice it then it goes on the back burner and does not ever get addressed.
I see Joy again. I see Peace again. Ive got a journey ahead but I know God will use all of this stuff for something good. Someday. Im ready.