So when we buried Timothy My heart was broken but my faith wasn’t too shaken, when a year later we buried another baby, my faith took a nosedive.
I’ve been trying to fake it until I make it with my faith and it just hasn’t worked.
I’ve been on the verge of just throwing it all away so many times, why keep trying when my heart isn’t in it.
Then I decided to watch this photographers memorial service. She was so young, she died on a brain aneurysm. She had a husband and five kids at home.
I missed about 15 minutes of it, tuned in to hear her mom, aunt, cousins, friends, and then her husband got up there. He spoke so eloquently. He just shined his love for her. He spoke of their losses, their struggle in the faith, his struggle and now here he is burying his precious wife. He said how he felt this intense sadness, i can’t remember his exact words. basically the worst feeling in the world and then peace. it was still horrible and heartbreaking and awful but he had a peace that she was ok and things were going to be ok. His testimony of love and faith was so very powerful.
Then the pastor preached. It was beautiful. The one thing that stuck out was that God did not design death, so when we say death is a part of life we are wrong. God designed life. Not death. Death came into the world after sin and the fall of man. God sent Jesus to die for us so that the life He intended us to have we can have forever in Heaven with Him.
I just left so much love, faith and peace even when everyones hearts were broken.
Someone so young dying really puts your own mortality into perspective. Life is short and our tomorrow is not guaranteed.
I can’t spend another day walking the fence in my faith. I have it or I don’t. I love God or I don’t. I believe Jesus died for me or I don’t.
I choose faith. I choose God. I choose Jesus. I choose Peace.
I choose not to fake it until I make it anymore. Faith faith is no faith.
My goal: Be in God’s word daily.
Love everyone and hopefully my faith will grow again and begin to shine. Oh God restore unto me the fire that I once had and may I never be content and stagnant. May I never get full in my faith, may I always need and want more of you. God please 🙂